What Dreams May Come

"To sleep, perchance to Dream; Aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come."

What better way to start a blog post than with a little morbid Shakespeare?

It is said by those who profess to know that we all dream when we sleep. It is a function of the brain and perhaps natures way of aiding our mind in easing existential concerns. Maybe they reflect or ease what worries us, or are just natures way of entertaining in our slumber.

Seldom do I remember my dreams. Those who claim to understand the human mind have opinions as to why. Some say it because we choose not to remember. Others opine that the waking mind is just not programmed to remember them. Yet it seems that some people recall all or most of their dreams and others few to none of these nocturnal cinematics.

As I child I do not recall if I was an active dreamer. I spent most of adolescence under the influence of an anti-seizure medication that was basically a big-league sedative. That may have been why. My teen years were no different only without the medication. If I dreamed at all I seldom remembered details.

In my early twenties my dream life suddenly became vivid. A recurring dream introduced itself to me that to this day still affects me in odd little ways. You would never notice how, but the residue is there and seems that it always will be. This dream would cause me to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat feeling desperate and lost. I would have to get up and take shower to basically wash it away and relax enough to get back to sleep. Whatever sleep I got afterwards would not be adequate.

As time passed this dream seemed to leave me, but still I would have nights where I awoke in that frantic sweat. The dream would not reveal itself completely, but small parts of it was still there.

Then one day it was gone until years later when I wrote a poem, an ode to those terrifying Nocturnal Trepidations. That poem can be found if you scroll back into the past of this blog.

Now another dream has allowed itself to find a place in my memory. It is a dream of the Salem Y, and features denizens of that facility who are no longer with us. It seems to have been a one time occurrence as I have not been allowed to visit with these memories again.

It did not have the feel of a dream at all. It was if I was taken to a place where that Salem Y, and those within it still exist. It had all of the elements of reality to include sounds and smells. I felt that I did not belong there but was welcomed by all who were in the dream as they expressed surprise at my appearance.

They all greeted me as an old friend who had not been seen in ages and did not expect to see for many more years. We shook hands, slapped backs, and there were even a few hugs. Those that did hug me laughed as they did so knowing that hugs are not my thing.

Conversations were picked up as if we had spoken yesterday. Maybe There had been another dream that I did not recall. They spoke to me of the distant past, the recent past, and of current events. Jimmy K. knew my favored locker number, Big Joe complimented my workout routine, Gordon thanked me for trying to find his wedding band in the pool's filtration system, Charlie Brown made some apologies and a young SSU intern of mine who died of a heroin overdose cried as he spoke of the people who were hurt by his death.

I went off as is my habit in a gym and started my workout as everyone else returned to their routines.

Finally I turned to no one in particular and asked if I was dreaming. Big Joe came over, put his arm around my shoulders as he walked me to the fitness center stairs.

"No Billy", he said. "This is not a dream, but you don't belong here, not yet. It was good to see you but there are things to be done and you should be where you are needed. When we are ready for you here, we'll come and get you."

"To sleep, perchance to Dream. Aye there's the rub,
For in that sleep of life, what future may come."